The White SeeD
by Rikke Leonhart
Summary: On HIATUS! Squinoa: Three years ago, Squall disappeared. Life in Garden continued for the ones who were left behind. What will Rinoa do without her Knight to ground her powers? And where is Squall? CAPTER FOUR IS UP!
1. Chapter 1 Liberi Fatali

**The White SeeD  
**_Chapter 1 - Liberi Fatali, Prologue  
_By Rikke Leonhart

**AN:** Hi there! This is my new story! It's not completed, but I'm bursting! I so wanted it to get posted, so here is the first chapter! Enjoy!  
- - - -  
Disclaimer: I do not own the Final Fantasy universe, all rights reserved to Square-Enix.  
- - - -

It was over.

He was gone and no one knew where he had gone. Everyone thought that they were happy. Weren't they? He called her Angel, she called him Lion. He ran after her, she would surrender, laughing madly while shouting screams of joy and pure happiness. She would hold him at night when the demons came too near, he would cradle up to her, absorb the comforting words. He would protect her, just like the Sorceress' Knight is supposed to. She would look upon him, a look filled with innocent and heartfelt love. He would smile to her, like he hadn't smiled before. The rare, genuine ones; the ones that really mattered. The ones that made her knees go all wobbly, her world turning upside down. He would go to Hell and back again, carrying her.

But it was over.

From one day to the other. It happened overnight. One day he was there, the next he wasn't. Everyone wondered. Where had the Lion went? The admired and strong leader, the adored, somewhat shy young man was gone. No one believed the Headmaster when he announced that the Commander had disappeared. Everyone expected to see the Sorceress' world fall apart. But something wasn't as it should have been. Shouldn't she have been devastated? Shouldn't she have reacted different than she did? She went quiet, a knowing look entered her eyes. She would mourn silently, but everyone expected an outburst of some kind. Not this dull reaction. Her friends would try to talk to her, but she would shrug them off, telling them that she was fine.

They didn't believe her, but she did nothing to prove them wrong. She acted normal, did all her duties to perfection, was a great friend, comforted the others when they had problems... The Headmaster showed up rarely now. The Orphanage Gang didn't see him as frequently as they would have liked, not even when they went to visit the Matron. The Matron was as kind as ever, sensing her childrens' discomfort. With the experienced eyes of a Sorceress, she observed the younger one. She saw the feelings, hidden under the surface, but too hidden for the others to find. They hadn't experienced their one true love disappear right under their noses.

The Matron eyed the younger Sorceress. When their eyes met, the younger woman smiled, a weak smile, but a smile nonetheless. And as the Matron turned to her husband, she knew that they had made the right decision.

The Orphanage Gang and the Sorceress continued their lives in Garden. They resumed their duties, their relationships and their routines. The Sorceress trained her powers, though being careful; her Knight wasn't around to protect her after all. One misplaced step and all Hell would break loose. But everyone took a liking in the young Sorceress with the pure and innocent soul. She was favoured by the Cadets when she assisted the Teachers in Magic Class and because of her kind nature, everyone liked her.

She was not happy though, even if she _did_ keep up a straight face. There were times when she thought that she was happy, but then she would think of the time that lay ahead of them and the time that separated them. And she would think that Time only was a trial; the trial that would connect them on more than one level. The final test to seal their unison. And in those moments at night, when she pictured his face, remembered their silent, soft whispers of conversation, she would truly believe that the time when they would be reunited, was indeed very near. Later, when she looked back at those times, she would discover that that was the rope keeping her sanity intact.

The thoughts of him.

The Fallen Child of the Orphanage Gang returned to the Garden, ending up in the arms of the former Instructor. The Child with the cheerful and go-happy attitude ended with the Sniper. The Child that preferred Hot Dogs, surprisingly found comfort in the arms of a girl who was mostly found in the Library. All of the Children lost something when the Commander vanished into thin air. No one was quite able to fathom what it was they were missing, but no one saw the solution right in front of them. It was so obvious, so clear, yet so concealed.

The Children of Fate, _Liberi Fatali_, lived on, always remembering their Leader, always keeping the hope of his return intact. The Sorceress kept her face, only living and breathing for the day that she would hold him in her arms once again. She could only count the days and pray for his safe return.

And three years after his disappearance, that is where the story begins. The story of the White SeeD.

- - - -

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	2. Chapter 2 The Epitome Of Training

**The White SeeD  
**_Chapter 2 - The Epitome of Training  
_By Rikke Leonhart

**AN:** Hi there! Here's the next chapter, and chapter three is well on it's way. I wonder if anyone is able to guess why the chapter is titled so...  
- - - -  
Disclaimer: I do not own the Final Fantasy universe, all rights reserved to Square-Enix.  
- - - -

The sun shone brightly, waking the young Sorceress with no mercy. She yawned lazily and as a habit, she reached out for the person she knew wasn't there. She opened her eyes, looking at the empty space beside her. This was his Dorm, technically, she wasn't allowed to be there without him, but she couldn't care less, and no one seemed to care either. In a short while, she would get up, resuming her daily routines. Make coffee to the Headmaster, bring the Instructors the written SeeD tests, visit her friends and then the routine would start all over again. Boring? Yes, you wouldn't dream of it. But she wouldn't want to do anything else. She didn't want to become a SeeD herself, even if she did get the chance. Why, some would ask. The answer was so simple; Why would she want to become a part of the Elite Force SeeD, whose sole purpose was to destroy her kind? No one in their right state of mind would ask of her to become one of those.

It was eight years since the defeat of Ultimecia, they were now 25 years old. Rinoa's thoughts drifted off to the last evening they spent together. He had just turned 22.

_"Happy Birthday" she whispered as he opened his eyes. He smiled and glanced at the clock. He realized that he had slept in. While he hurried around the room, fumbling with his uniform, his hair and everything else, she just sat on the edge of his bed with a smirk on her face. Just as he was ready to leave, she blocked the door._

_"Cid gave permission for you to take a day off. You know, being with your girlfriend,-" he opened his mouth to protest, but she silenced him, "stop whining. If it's not the General's Daughter asking the Commander to join her, then it's the Sorceress asking her Knight. But I only want Squall."_

_She had smiled, knowing that she had won. Hyne, he had had no interest in objecting. She knew that she had won even before she had entered his dorm. He had smiled slightly and had taken her hand in his. The entire day was spent in the shadow of a tree, as it was a warm day in August. August the 23rd. Her back against the tree, his head resting in her lap. It was as if they knew that something would change. When she had closed her eyes and was relaxed, she felt his hand caress her cheek. She opened her eyes and looked at him. He looked so happy. She had taken his hand and kissed it._

_"I love you." She had mouthed down to him. It was an unwritten rule that no one uttered the word 'love' in the same sentence as 'you'. Squall was still getting used to the whole 'show your feelings' thing she practiced with him, but there was a definite improvement._

_"Thank you."_

_The next morning he was gone. But she knew.  
- -  
__  
_The Sorceress got out of bed and after having showered, she got dressed. She headed for the Cafeteria and found the Orphanage Gang seated by a table.

"Hi guys." She said as she sat down next to the martial artist. He smiled at her and moved his chair a bit so that there was better room for her.

"Hi Rin. Slept well?" Quistis asked.

The sorceress nodded. "Yeah, actually I've slept better than I've done in a long time."

Everyone seated around the table caught the meaning implied into those words. _I've slept better than I've done in a long time, since he disappeared. _

"So..." Seifer started, attacking his breakfast. "Does anyone know why the paper hasn't been delivered today?"

"Maybe the publishers are on strike or something." Said Zell, devouring a piece of bread.

"Must be..." The blonde man mused... "Quisty, do you have some time off today?" he asked casually.

"Yes actually, I have a few hours to myself... All alone, just me in my lonely dorm... What of it?" The instructor replied calmly, inspecting her nails.

"Could-" Seifer was cut off by Selphie.

"Let's watch some movies!" the petite woman screeched and Quistis laughed. Seifer muttered something about crazy women. Zell snickered.

"Ouch! Watch it!" the martial artist suddenly exclaimed, rubbing his leg.

"Oh sorry, was that your leg?" Seifer shot him an innocent look.

"Shut it." Quistis sent a warning glare to Seifer, who immediately decided it to be an opportune moment to shut up. The rest of the gang exchanged glances. These two were not far from the altar... Not that they would admit it of course.

"Ouch!" Zell exclaimed again when Quistis had went to get some more toast. "What was that for?"

"Good measure." Seifer replied casually, smirking when Zell moved his legs and chair out of kicking range.

Silence surrounded them until Selphie squealed.

"Rin, can I talk to you for a moment? It'll only take a few minutes."

"Sure, why not." Rinoa replied and followed Selphie and Irvine who for some reason trailed the perky brunette.

When they had reached a deserted spot of the cafeteria, Selphie turned to Rinoa. Irvine snaked his arm around his girlfriend's waist. She looked at him adoringly.

"Well, Rin.. I.. Uhmm, I mean _we_ would like to tell you something." The perky brunette said nervously.

".. Uhmm... We're getting married!" she burst out, Irvine looking at his feet.

Rinoa was stunned. A cascade of emotions overwhelmed her. Joy, happiness... sadness.

"Oh my god!" she finally shrieked and fell both Irvine and Selphie around their necks. She enveloped them into a big bear hug.

"Congratulations! That's so great. I'm so happy for you guys." She exclaimed, feeling happier than she had felt for a long a long time. At least someone was happy and that pleased her.

"Thank you Rin. It means a lot coming from you." Selphie said with heartfelt gratitude.

"Just because I'm not happy doesn't mean that you guys can't celebrate the love and the life you share."

The brunette's eyes widened in surprise while she instinctively reached up to lay a hand on her stomach. "How'd you..?"

Rinoa silenced her by taking her hands. "I'm a sorceress. I sense life." Then she turned to Irvine.

"Congrats Dad."

He blushed deeply but he looked happy. "Rin, this means so much to us. We just wanted you to be the first to know."

"I'm very happy for you. It was right about time, Dad." She said, poking Irvine in the side as they headed back to the table.

"Stop calling me that." He said, although half-heartedly. "You know, we're announcing now to the others that we're engaged, but no telling about the baby, all right?"

"Sure thing... Dad." Selphie snickered behind them, and Rinoa joined her laughter. Irvine muttered something about "if it wasn't for her sorceress powers...", but wisely chose to keep quiet.

When they returned to the others, they just resumed eating. Rinoa smiled inwardly, noticing how Selphie's hand was never far away from her stomach. Quistis had rejoined the table, now armed with more toast. Then the petite brunette cleared her voice, gaining the attention of the present people.

"Well, Irvy and I have an announcement to make." She said nervously, slowly intertwining her fingers with her soon to be husband.

"Spill it!" Quistis exclaimed.

"We're getting married!"

Silence. Complete and utter silence. Then a cacophony of voices.

"Congrats!"

"When?"

"How did he propose?" and so on and so forth.

Selphie answered every question with a smile on her face. While the guys congratulated Irvine, Quistis went to Rinoa.

"Finally."

"I agree." The sorceress replied and looked at the couple, who was obviously nuts about each other . She sighed, trying to mask the stab of pain she felt. Quistis however, wasn't fooled.

"Rin, it's not a crime not being happy when others are."

"I know," Rinoa started, "but I _am_ happy for them. I just wish that he was here to see it."

The blonde rested a hand on Rinoa's shoulder. "I'm sure he would be happy. I think it's time for you to appreciate the life around you, even if _he_ isn't by your side as he was meant to be."

Rinoa closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. Any other day up till this day, Quistis would have been right, but Rinoa knew she couldn't follow Quistis' advice. She knew that it couldn't be much longer until they were reunited, she was sure of it. She could feel it into the very core of her being. Their time was near, it was just a matter of waiting. Sure, she had waited for three years, but she somehow knew that it was coming to an end. She was not appalled by the others' thoughts of the Commander. It wasn't as if they thought him dead, but they couldn't put their lives on pause, while they waited for his return.

The sound of someone clearing his throat, made the laughter subside. They turned around and their eyes fell on the Headmaster.

"Hello children." He greeted warmly and took a seat at the table.

"Hi." They all replied and soon the laughter were on again.

"Congratulations" he said to the newly engaged couple. "It was about time, don't you think?" he added and smiled widely. After having raised them as his own, it was like being their father.

Selphie blushed furiously and Irvine averted his eyes. Heartfelt laughter erupted from the table as everyone, save Selphie, Irvine and Cid, muttered their agreements.

While everyone was laughing, Cid softly tapped Rinoa's shoulder. "Can I have a word with you later?"

She nodded. "Sure. I'll pop by."

Cid smiled faintly, then he got up from the table. "Well children. Play nice." With that, he turned and left the Cafeteria.

Rinoa attracted a few curious glances, but no one commented anything.

- - -

Rinoa took a deep breath as she knocked on the Headmaster's door. She opened the door when permission was given.

"You wanted to see me, Headmaster." She said politely, standing.

"Ahh, none of that Headmaster nonsense." The man said warmly, "sit down. And it's Cid."

As Rinoa sat down, Cid ruffled through some papers and files. He picked one and laid it in front of him. The sorceress watched him with curious eyes.

"It's great news about Irvine and Selphie, don't you think?" he started, obviously postponing the task at hand with small talk. Rinoa let him.

"I swear, Garden would have gone mad if they hadn't got engaged. They are so wrapped un in each other, they only have their eyes for each other, so if they hadn't hurried up I think I would have needed to do some serious manipulation." She laughed quietly, a happy glint in her eyes.

"It has begun, hasn't it." She said. It wasn't a question, it was a statement.

"Yes it has." The older man said tiredly. He handed the files over to Rinoa. She drew a breath and opened the files. She scanned them quickly before looking at the headmaster.

"I knew it." She said, "I knew it. How long do you think I have?"

"About three days, maybe less. Rinoa, I'm sorry. I wish that there is more I can do, but I've already delayed it as much as I can."

"It's not your fault. You have already helped so much, you have nothing to be sorry for." She said reassuringly, laying the open files on the desk. She got up and exited the office, leaving Cid behind. He placed his head in his hands, silent tears making their way down his cheeks.

He reread the folders and papers. It was articles from newspapers, confidential files of Rinoa, of Squall and a lot about sorceresses.

He read an article he had ripped from the newspaper this morning:

_"Rogue Sorceress in Balamb Garden Sorceress Rinoa, 25, is still worshipped by the world for her aid in the Sorceress War against Sorceress Ultimecia, but that doesn't change the fact that she is without her knight. Commander Squall Leonhart, 25, who disappeared mysteriously three years ago, was her knight. Now, she has been without a knight for said three years, it's only a matter of time before she will try to dominate the world. For the sake of the world, it would be the best if she admitted to Sorceress Memorial Facility in Esthar before matters get out of hand. The world owe Sorceress Rinoa their lives, but if she has the best interests for the world in mind, she will go without a fuss." _

- - -

Cid had stopped the newspapers from being delivered as soon as he read the article. The rest of Garden would know of it soon enough, but there was no need to feed the information on a silver platter.

Cid sighed, suddenly feeling very old. _Squall better hurry up..._

_- - -_

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	3. Chapter 3 Glimpse Of The Future

**The White SeeD  
**_Chapter 3 – Glimpse of the Future  
_By Rikke Leonhart

**AN:** Sorry for the long wait, I've been suffering from stress with all that comes with it; insomnia, spontaneous nosebleeds and such. I've been coughing for some time now, and it's not about to go away. I've sprained my ankle and pulled a muscle in my leg. Can it get any better?

Thanks to all my reviewers! You make my day:) Honestly XD

Anyways, here it is! Enjoy!

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Final Fantasy universe, all rights reserved to Square-Enix.**

---

T-shirts, skirts and all kinds of clothes were being folded neatly and then packed down. Rinoa sighed. She was almost done packing her clothes. She had only left clothes for the next few days and other necessary things. All her other belongings were more or less packed away. She ran a tired hand over her forehead. Who would have known that she owned so many things? She smiled. All of his possessions, she had packed them too. She somehow knew that wherever she was headed, he was going too.

She thought it ridiculous. When had she got so many memories? When had these things become so important to her? It was obvious that she couldn't bring everything with her, but she was having a hard time in deciding which things to bring, which things not to bring. She had found several items, invaluable items, both hers and Squall's. She couldn't leave any of his things. Not the important ones like his diary. She had never opened the book, never flipped a page, not even considered it. It was personal, and he would detest if others got hold of it. Not that they kept anything secrets from each other, but she respected his need to keep a part of himself sealed away.

Bittersweet melancholy swept over her as she packed their photo albums. She flipped a few pages, the corners of her mouth tugging into a smile as her eyes fell on a very familiar picture, a picture they didn't know had been taken at the time.

The balcony after Ultimecia's demise. The Gang had tried to video it, but the battery had failed. As Squall had, still afraid of rejection, found the courage to reach out to kiss her, Quistis had jumped out of nowhere in front of the gang, forever immortalizing the moment. Selphie and Irvine had begged them to 'redo' it, as they changed battery. Squall had flat out refused, threatening to degrade them. They had all laughed. In the end, the video camera was flung over the railing into the sea, and Squall had kissed her for the second time in his life.

She held no more tears. More than enough tears had been spilled at night; she would shed no more tears. She was convinced that their time was coming, but until then she would not cry. So when she felt the unbidden tears well up in her eyes, she blinked them away furiously. She had carried the weight of her powers, the weight of Squall's disappearance and the weight of life in general alone for far too long. She wanted him to be here, to comfort her and tell her that everything was going to be just fine. She wanted to wake up next to him, share the day with him and create new memories with him.

She slammed the photo album shut. This was not the time to cry. She would cry plenty when she saw him again, but this was not the time. She packed the album down and surveyed the room. It had been emptied for all her belongings now, save her clothes for the next few days, her toothbrush and such.

With a glance on her bags, she went out of the door.

ooOOooOOoo

"….On page 156, then we'll just wait for our residing sorceress to arrive." Quistis said with a smile on her lips. The cadets murmured excitedly. It wasn't often Rinoa agreed to show her magic. In the start, she had showed off often, even taking requests if the magic wasn't too dangerous. Now she reasoned that without her knight to ground her, it wasn't wise to use her powers so carelessly.

Quistis agreed, but the cadets adored the kind sorceress, and once in a while, Rinoa would agree to show off. Such was one of these days. She waited for Rinoa, who she knew was on her way. True enough, moments later a tentative knock sounded from the door.

"Come in." Quistis offered gently, smiling when Rinoa poked her head through.

"Am I interrupting something?" The raven-haired girl asked politely, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

"Not at all," Quistis assured her. "We were just reading up on fire magic and Ifrit."

Rinoa smiled. "Oh. So how much can you tell me about fire magic?"

The entire class raised their hands. Rinoa tilted her head as she picked out a girl. "Yes?"

"Fire magic is the most unruly of the basic magic. It drains the caster more to use Fire, than if the caster had used Blizzard."

"Correct." Rinoa said, smiling approvingly at the cadet. "Can anyone tell me where to obtain the Guardian of Fire?"

Another forest of hands appeared. "Yes?" she asked a boy on the front.

"In the Fire Cavern. His greatest weakness is Shiva."

"Very good." Rinoa replied. "Now, shall I show you some fire magic?" Without waiting for response, she closed her eyes briefly. She called upon the hidden magic inside of her, but was careful only to scrape the surface, or else it would appear far too powerful.

Small, gentle flames erupted and danced along the tip of her fingers, tickling. The cadets ooh'ed and aah'ed, finding the sorceress and her work incredibly fascinating. As she focused all her attention on the flames, she suddenly felt dizzy, losing her concentration. The flames erupted into a full blown fire and chaos broke out. The cadets started shouting and Quistis yelled for Rinoa to snap out of it.

The sorceress heard nothing. As the fires danced along her arms, licking her curves, she was blinded by a penetrating light. The bursts of fire became increasingly bigger, and Quistis began fearing for the cadets.

"Everybody, get out of here!" She yelled and gestured wildly with her arms. She looked at the fire, which suddenly dissipated. She saw Rinoa's eyes roll to the back of her head, and she lurched forward to catch the sorceress.

"What happened?" she whispered softly, tucking a strand of Rinoa's hair behind her ear.

ooOOooOOoo

"Hey Rin…" A soft voice said as she came to. She grumbled lowly before opening her eyes. In front of her sat Irvine, looking worried, but a small smile was playing on his lips.

"Why is that goofy grin in place?" she asked in a whisper

"Because we've been worried about you, and now you're awake." He whispered back, still smiling. He and Rinoa had become very good friends over the years. She laughed quietly then stifled her laugh as she saw Irvine's grave expression.

"What happened, Rin? The entire Garden is badmouthing you, saying that you have gone out of control." Irvine said, urgently. He looked worried, Rinoa noticed.

"How long have I been here?" Here, meaning the Infirmary.

"For just about three hours." He replied after having taken a look at the clock. "Classes are finished for today, but I wish that you wouldn't have to hear what they are saying about you. That you have finally lost it, you were about to fry the cadets and such. Luckily, it's only us who knows about Garden's true purpose, or else they'll be tearing the place apart to get to you. Rinoa, what is happening? It's not like you."

Rinoa drew a sharp breath. "The world has finally realized that I'm a danger when I haven't got a knight."

"But you have a knight?" Irvine asked, perplexed.

She gave him an exasperated glare. "Not with me."

"Oh."

"Oh indeed. Anyway, the paper wasn't delivered this morning because an article was written about me being a rogue sorceress. Cid withheld the papers, but I guess that after my performance today, it really doesn't matter." She explained, the impact of today's happening finally sinking in. "Cid said earlier that I probably have about three days before the Esthar Sorceress Memorial Facility come for me. Maybe less."

"Is that why you have packed?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

"How do you know?"

"I saw you this morning. I went to ask you about classes, but you were packing," he elaborated quietly. "Are you going to tell the others?"

"Of course I am," she nodded. "But I don't know when. Has to be today though."

"You're right."

"Of course I'm right." She trailed off. As the realization of her actions collided with full force with her logic, she sighed deeply. "I'm leaving. I'm really leaving."

Irvine looked sharply at her. "Not if your knight decides to show up."

"He has more urgent matters to attend to."

"What is more important than to protect his Sorceress?"

"You're right. But… I don't want to leave, yet I know that even if I don't leave for the Memorial, then I'll go of my own. Move somewhere, create a life for myself." She said with a gloomy expression. Then she smiled a real smile.

"I suppose I have to survive, or rather, let the cadets survive for that long."

Irvine rolled his eyes as she got up from the bed. As she looked at him and winked, he suddenly realized that she hadn't answered his question at all.

ooOOooOOoo

Rinoa waited for Irvine just outside of the Infirmary. There she nearly collided with Seifer.

"Rin!" He exclaimed, sounding worried but surprised all the same. "Rinoa!"

"That's my name!" She exclaimed, imitating his surprised tone, opening her arms. He scowled at her, but it didn't last long.

"Might I have a word?"

"A sentence even." She replied cheekily, turning to Irvine. "See you later, right?"

"Sure thing." The cowboy tipped his hat and headed for the cafeteria.

"Are you all right, Rin?" Seifer asked, staring at the space in front of him.

"Funny how people keep asking me that," she retorted, but softened. "Yeah, really, I am. I just fainted."

Seifer raised an eyebrow. "Like in 'overexerted-myself-and-got-totally-out-of-control' fainted?"

"Shut it, you," she snapped, but she knew he didn't mean it like that. She considered telling him everything. She needed to get it off her chest to someone who knew about being a knight, to someone who could understand the significance of what she was telling.

"I have something to tell you." And she did. She told him everything about her being a sorceress without a knight. She told him of the papers that hadn't been delivered, of Esthar Sorceress Memorial… In short: everything that had been bothering her, except the episode in class. She highly suspected that Seifer was well aware that she withheld some information from him, but he let her drop the matter.

They walked aimlessly around the Garden, and Rinoa noticed that they had just passed the Infirmary again. They got as far as in front of the elevator, when two groups of SeeDs descended the stairs. The first group consisting of two SeeDs and a cadet just walked past them, throwing Rinoa dirty looks. The last group consisting of a handful SeeDs looked both disgusted and plain frightened. Immediately, Rinoa tried to explain herself.

"Don't be afraid of me, I'm not dangerous." She said soothingly, but the disgusted SeeDs turned to her for that remark.

"Sure you aren't." A dominant female said, tossing her hair defiantly over her shoulder. The other SeeDs giggled, but were silenced when Seifer began ranting.

"Don't talk of things you know nothing of!" His outburst made the first group of SeeDs turn around, but they kept quiet.

"Wee, it seems pretty obvious to me that she's not as harmless as she claims." The female said again, sounding defiant.

Seifer was livid. "And I keep telling you to not speak of thing you know nothing of!" With that, the woman stomped off, gesturing for the others to follow her. The first group of SeeDs just stared.

Rinoa looked uncertainly at them, then turned to Seifer. "What should we do with the trio over here? Should we burn them?"

Seifer looked at her, a wicked glint in his eyes. "I brought marshmallows!"

Rinoa erupted into laughter and let Seifer lead her to the cafeteria, to the inevitable confrontation and admission that lurked in the horizon.

ooOOooOOoo

Rinoa would never forget the look of shock upon her friends' faces. The look of utter contempt for the world who wished to imprison her, but Selphie looked hurt. She covered it quickly, but it didn't go unnoticed by either Quistis or Rinoa. Seifer had left a little while ago, saying that he had some business with the Headmaster. They had all been understanding, not flashing pity in front of her eyes. They understood that she would never accept pity, for they knew of the difference between pity and sympathy. The world's difference.

Quistis patted her hand. "So, you had a lot on your mind this morning, and that's why you lost control of the flames?" Her tone was almost begging, Rinoa thought, of course she would have figured out why she lost control.

Rinoa decided to be honest. "I lost control because I'm not anchored by my knight. This has been happening for some time now, I think, but I haven't told you. You have so many burdens already, I couldn't worry you more. Besides, I knew that if I told anyone, rumours would have travelled faster than they could leave a mouth. You know how this Garden works. There are no secrets here as soon as more than one person knows. Everything is everyone's business."

Zell nodded. "I know, but you could have trusted us to help your bear it. How long have you been shouldering this alone? Have this gone on for long?"

Rinoa smiled sadly. She knew Zell meant well, and she admired him in a way. Even when everything had gone askew, he had always seen the world as black and white. She admired his attitude, which plainly said, 'If you're not a friend, then you're going to get your behind kicked.' Even when he had classes to teach, even when he had his girlfriend on top of all his other Garden duties, he still offered to carry her burden. Zell wasn't as thick as everyone thought. He was quite thoughtful, but his impulsive attitude and transparent feelings often marked him as rather dim-witted.

"For some time… I can't really remember how long," she said sincerely. "I… But can't you see? No matter how I could have handled this, it wouldn't have done a thing. I would have been in this situation no matter what, for Squall isn't here. I'm not saying that you wouldn't have helped at all, but it would only have delayed the inevitable. Unless Squall miraculously shows up in a matter of a few days, then I'm going to be sealed. And I'm doing the world a favour, you know? If I can't even control a Fira, how in Hyne's name would I then control an advanced spell?"

"But Rin," Selphie started, "can't you just, I don't know, not do magic?"

"Selph, I'm a sorceress. Magic is my life; it might as well flow in my veins. It's an integrated part of me, which I cannot discard. Even now, I'm using tiny bits of magic. Just look at me, and then you tell me what you see."

They all turned their gazes to her, and she raised her chin defiantly. She knew that if she let go even a little bit of her tightly-leashed powers, her Sorceress wings would become visible. She had to assure them, somehow, that her going without a fuss would be the best for everyone. She looked around, realizing how late it was now. They had been talking for hours, it appeared. The Cafeteria was deserted. She closed her eyes and when she opened them again, they pulsed a faint white. She let go a little of her boundaries, and she knew her Sorceress wings became opaque.

She stood to her full height, a poor 5' 3 1/2", but it looked very impressive. She saw the awe in their eyes, saw their indecision.

"Rin, stop it." Selphie said quietly, but her voice held an edge. "What are you trying to prove?"

"That I'm not the young naïve girl who once sought help to liberate Timber." She set her jaw, then looked straight at Selphie. "I'm not a SeeD. I shouldn't even be here."

Quistis sighed dramatically. "Don't be foolish. You have as much right to be here as we all do."

"But they don't like me anymore, because _I_ can turn into what everybody fears. And I can turn easier than any of you realize." Rinoa told them softly, finally getting to the point.

None of the others found anything to say, and suddenly Selphie got to her feet and dragged Rinoa with her. The petite woman was fuming when they finally stopped in the empty hallway.

"And you didn't tell me any of this before because…?" She bit out through gritted teeth.

"Because," Rinoa started slowly, "as I said, you have enough burdens of your own. Besides, there hadn't been a thing you could do."

Selphie lost her edge. "Rin, you just don't understand it! You have been so perfect the last three years. You have never faltered, never even shown us a single tear. Even some used tissues had been a clue to what you have been feeling, but we haven't seen anything. You have been behaving so indifferent! You never allowed us to take a peek inside that heart of yours. For once, couldn't you trust _us_ to make some choices? You have taken this decision alone, but you haven't thought of us! How do you think we feel about this? You're one of us! Rin, don't you trust us?"

"With my life." She replied, locking eyes with Selphie. "But haven't you listened? You couldn't have made a difference."

"You're selfish Rinoa." Selphie said, a tear trailing down her cheek. "I think that you should have more faith in us, as we have put our faith in you." She turned away from Rinoa and walked determined out of the hallway, away from the Cafeteria.

Rinoa looked back to the cafeteria before hurrying to her dorm. Once safely inside, she locked the door. She threw herself on the bed, burying her head in the pillow. She chided herself softly for being so childish, but her emotions didn't feel the desperate need to obey her mind. She sniffled softly, before taking her framed picture of Squall into her hands. She slowly brushed her hand across the picture.

"Is this how it's going to be?" She whispered quietly. "Is this what the future holds for me?"

- - -

**AN:** Hope you liked it! Review!

Btw, I quoted Buffy somewhere in there, is anybody able to find it?


	4. Chapter 4 Heart Asks Pleasure First

**The White SeeD  
**_Chapter 4 – Heart Asks Pleasure First_  
By Rikke Leonhart

**AN:** Hey again! I'm here with the new chapter!

The Buffy quote was:  
**Giles: **Might I have a word?  
**Buffy: **Have a sentence even.

Thanks to my reviewers! You are my world:)

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Final Fantasy universe, all rights reserved to Square-Enix.  
**- - - -  
"_Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing, but it hurts."_ -Drebin, Naked Gun 2 ½  
- - - -

"Sir?" A feminine voice inquired.

No response.

"Sir, we will not arrive at our destination for hours yet."

Still no response. The early sunlight found its way and rested upon the still form of a young man staring out on the sea. The woman took a step closer.

"Sir, with all due respect, you look like crap. No offence."

"None taken." The man finally replied, shifting his gaze from the horizon. His eyes settled on the petite woman. The sun played with her short blonde hair, her emerald eyes alight with life.

"I thought you were among the dead." She stated after having endured his stare for a few moments. "You didn't respond."

"I have no obligations to you."

It hurt. Still, after three years, he could hurt her with six words. She looked away.

"I just thought I'd inform you that you could easily rest a few more hours…" she trailed off, not sure she'd like to get her head bitten off.

"Rest is a privilege for civilians."

"Rest well, sir." She replied curtly, determined not to reveal her hurt to him. He was off limits, she knew, Hyne, _everyone_ knew that. Then why did it hurt so much?

She turned on her heel and went below deck. A million thoughts ran through her head. She had known, right from the beginning that he was strictly forbidden. As soon as he sat foot on this ship, she had known that it was going to be hard.

She had now known him for three years. She had known him for real for less than a year. It took some serious effort to get him to open up, and even now he was quite cool and reserved. She knew, goddamn, she should have known that it wasn't wise. She had pursued her goal for more than two years; to get beneath the façade he held up around others. She had watched him train, watched him talk, watch him in the wee hours of the morning when he would stand and gaze at the lonely, never-ending horizon.

She found him fascinating, and she knew that she would never ever meet anyone quite like him. She loved working with him; she had never worked with anyone his standard. Even though he came here to learn from her and the crew, she had learned from him too. His self discipline was amazing, his stamina, speed, strength and calm. He was the epitome of a cold-blooded killer, had it not been for the fact that even if he didn't show it, he cared.

And that was the reason he was here. He was here to become what he was born to be, and if she was nothing more than a tool for him to achieve his goal, so be it.

_I have no obligations to you._

Thanks for rubbing it in. All right, this was becoming increasingly unbearable, and that was why she had a request. Whenever he had finished his training, she knew that he was staying here. And she couldn't stay here with him.

She got to her feet and went in search for Edea.

She needed to get away.

ooOOooOOoo

As a matter of fact, the man had actually gone back to his bed, trying to rest. She had been right, he looked like crap, and the continually reducing distance between himself and their destination was doing nothing to ease his troubled mind. Sleep had always had a hard time finding him, but this was bordering to ridicule. He hadn't slept for more than an hour and a half in a row for almost two weeks. The anticipation was steadily increasing, his heart doing all sorts of dancing. At the moment he was quite sure it was tap-dancing.

_Rinoa._

How he longed to hold her, how he longed to hear her voice. He had no idea when he had become so independent of her, he just knew he was. Earlier in his life, the thought would have been very unsettling, not to mention disturbing, but now he found that he really didn't care. He was not afraid to admit that he needed her. She was as natural for him as breathing, and just before he left, it had become unusual if the other _wasn't_ around. They were so comfortable and so at ease around each other so that if the other wasn't around, then it felt like being incomplete.

Matron had once said that he should focus on something else than his _girlfriend_ while being here, that he should focus solely on his Sorceress. He knew she said it in jest, but it had struck something deep inside of him, and now he still asked himself.

_What if that person was his better half?_

She wasn't _just_ a girlfriend, not just his Sorceress who he had vowed to protect. She was so much more than that, and as much as he hated the cliché; she was nothing short of his soul mate. It rang so true and clear in his mind and with such resounding echo into the depths of his soul that it was almost frightening.

Hyne, he missed her. Her voice, her eyes, her hair, her gentle manner, her innocence. He could now, eight years after he met her to his Graduation Ball, truly say that he loved her. Finally, he added silently. How he had wanted so much to tell her, when she had quietly held him at night, whispering words of wisdom, safety and love, how he wanted to return the gift she so willingly had given him. She had understood. She had given him time, given him his space, allowing him to set the pace.

She had saved him in more ways than one. Had she not believed in him when they had fought Ultimecia, then he would not have found his way. He nearly got lost, but she found and guided him back to her and towards a future. If she hadn't won him over before that, then she would have then. His heart swelled with love for her as he thought of her selfless acts, and he damned the world who sought to bring her pain. She hadn't done a thing, but still the press insisted on bringing havoc.

_No matter,_ he thought. _It won't be long._

He groaned as he shifted in the bed. Then there was Celia. A good-looking woman, an excellent SeeD and a lovely mind. There's just one problem with her: She was smitten with him. Hyne, even one as thick as himself, had noticed it. He didn't know what to make of it, if he should be flattered, if he should react at all. So, he opted for what he was best at; ignoring it, her. He really had no idea what to do when Rinoa came, for wouldn't that be cruel to Celia?

What if Rinoa didn't want to come? What if they were too late? What would they say if he showed up? Were they thinking of him as dead?

He groaned again as he felt a headache throbbing.

ooOOooOOoo

"Squall?" She knocked softly on the door. "Squall, can I come in?"

A weak _yes_ sounded from inside, and the slender woman entered slowly. She expected to see him bent over some maps, as he had been doing the last couple of days, but she was totally unprepared to see him on his bed, sprawled out on his back. For starters, she had never seen him use the bed, other than while he slept, and he was definitely not asleep now. Secondly, Squall simply didn't _sprawl._ He seemed to be lost in thoughts, but his eyes were alert.

"Squall, are you all right?"

He turned his head slightly to look at her, and then he returned to the exciting task of staring at the ceiling. "I'm fine, Matron."

The former Sorceress sat down on a chair next to the bed. "You can't fool me, Squall. I've known you for far too long. You are a son to me, in every aspect but blood. Do not try to deceive your emotions."

"You speak knowledge."

"I have to," she replied calmly. "I have to guide you."

Squall sighed and closed his eyes. "It's weird. I've been looking forward to this moment for three years. Three years! And now as the moment draws nearer, all I want is to run away."

Edea rested her chin on her hand as she leaned slightly forward. She knew that he wouldn't give her any more information regarding his emotions and thoughts, so she had to make the best of what she had already received. "I cannot say that I know how you feel. I might have been as scared as you are-"

"I'm not scared."

"-but I would be looking forward to it too." She ignored his input; she knew it was only a defence mechanism. "Squall, think about it. What's so horrible? You get to see her, to hold her, forever. You haven't been parted for nothing. You were destined to meet, it was not a choice. But that you fell in love was way beyond any control you might have had. Destiny and Fate can be cruel, but they have their soft spots. You may feel like Fate's chew toy every now and then, but who doesn't?"

Squall didn't reply, he merely continued staring, but Edea saw the slightly narrowed eyes signalling deep concentration. "Besides, you still have some hours to poise yourself. You have a meeting with a certain man, whom you abhor."

Squall groaned, running a hand down his face. "Thanks for reminding me."

"Always a pleasure." She smiled sweetly. They fell into a comfortable silence, until Edea spoke up again. "I did give my husband that gift of yours."

"Thank you."

A long silence filled the air until Edea got to her feet and headed for the door. She paused as she turned the doorknob.

"You know, Celia likes you." She said quietly, still her back turned to Squall. She looked over her shoulder.

"She does?" Squall asked absentmindedly, fidgeting slightly with hisfingers "I didn't notice."

"You did Squall," The sorceress said gently. "You did too."

ooOOooOOoo

**Balamb Garden**

"Rinoa, thank you for dropping by," Cid said, sitting down behind his desk. He poked absently to a stack of papers before turning his attention at the young woman in front of him. She had slightly puffy eyes and she looked like one who hadn't slept properly for some time.

"Slept well?"

Rinoa sent him a glare she knew he wouldn't feel intimidated by. "Selphie didn't take my leaving very well."

"I can imagine," said Cid quietly. "She always was the most sensible one of the children."

Rinoa inwardly chuckled at this. After all these years, Cid still thought of them as his children. It was rather sweet, actually. She saw him as a father figure herself. How things might have been so different had she had a different relationship with her own father. She might never have run away, she might never have met Zone or Watts and therefore never have formed Timber Owls. And had she not formed Timber Owls, she would never have met Squall… And she would never have become a sorceress.

As she thought of it, she knew that she would never regret having made those decisions. They have been forming her to who she was today, and they were a part of her. She could never regret anything which inevitably led to her meeting with Squall.

"I was informed this morning that my wife is visiting Garden today."

"Oh?" she inquired, intrigued. It had been a while since she had seen Edea, and she always enjoyed spending time with the former sorceress. She reflected an inner calm, serenity.

"Yes, she said she was quite looking forward to seeing you. I imagine she'd like to discuss the… sealing with you." With an afterthought, he added gently, "I'm sorry for bringing this up, Rinoa, but I do feel it's necessary."

Rinoa nodded while desperately trying to conceal the tears which were beginning to form in the corner of her eyes.

"Rinoa, it's not against the law to cry."

She blinked her eyes furiously. "I shouldn't cry anymore."

Cid tilted his head slightly as he drew something from inside his jacket. It was a small package, very small, wrapped neatly. He offered it to her, beckoning with his head for her to go ahead and take it.

She did so with no particular enthusiasm. She just held it in her hands.

"What are you waiting for? Open it!" He encouraged.

She began opening the package, slowly. "Do you know what it is?"

Cid smiled mysteriously. That fuelled her resolve, and she almost tore the wrapping with her eager fingers. She gasped in shock and pleasant surprise as a silvery object fell out of the package and onto the floor. She sat there for several moments, her mouth agape, all the while Cid contemplated taking a picture.

She snapped out of her stupor as she reached for the object. As her hands closed around it, she felt warmth spread inside her, felt her spirit soar and she smiled, shereally _smiled_ like she hadn't in Hyne knows how long.

And just for a moment, it felt like everything would be all right.

- - - -

**Elsewhere**

"It won't be for long."

"..."

"Why are you looking like that?"

"…"

"According to your plans, she'll be back in no time. But that's not what you're worried about, is it?"

"…"

"Would you kindly cease dominating the conversation?"

"…"

"Guess not."

- - - -

Review! ...And cookies to those who know where the title comes from!


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